Friday, July 15, 2005

A good way to lose your scrotum:

Knock on my windows at 8am. Lucky for this man, he knocked on my neighbor's windows instead. As you might remember, I live on the first floor of my apartment building, next to the driveway that goes down to the garage, which is annoying enough as it is.

This guy yelled to my neighbor, "Hey! HEY! We got a big truck comin' down here! Close your windows, will ya!?" My response:

1) Big trucks come down the driveway, quite literally, ten times a day. Garbage trucks, the guy who refills the vending machines, even the virgins driving their massive moving trucks filled to the brim with their precious crap manage to navigate this wily driveway.

2) There is a cement window sill on the outside that acts as a bumper, which means, in order to hit our windows, even when they're pushed out all the way (about three inches), you'd have to be driving straight into my apartment. And I disapprove of that.

3) It then took this asshole, I swear to god, eighteen hours to back down the driveway. So, I'm really glad I tried to get an extra half-hour of sleep, as he went "BEEP...BEEP....BEEP...BEEP...BEEP" for so long I almost marched down there and ripped his scrotum off anyway.

4) Apparently, the truck was a tree shredder, because it has been making some GOD AWFUL GRINDING NOISE for the last hour and a half. Someone is not going to live through this day. I'll give you one guess who that will be. I'll give you another guess who will have a brand new tree shredder to dispose of her flashcards with in a couple weeks. Just kidding, I'd never shred these babies. They're going in a box, with their fate to be decided on November 18 at 5pm.

In short, I am now fully awake. Which is good, because it's Community Property & Torts day! What could be better than that?


At 1:11 PM, July 15, 2005, Blogger G. said...

Go over and drop a big rock in the tree shredder. That should put it out of commission. Be sure to run away fast so you don't get arrested for malicious mischief or sued for conversion/trespass to chattels.

At 1:18 PM, July 21, 2005, Blogger Quinn said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 1:20 PM, July 21, 2005, Blogger Quinn said...

okay, considering I just had a boating accident which involved, yes, my scrotum, and yes, stitches, I'd absolutely choose you to hurt me over an anchor...

At 3:50 PM, July 21, 2005, Blogger Heather said...

is this another scrotum accident, or the same one from last week?

At 11:00 PM, July 24, 2005, Blogger Quinn said...

No, same one. But isn't that enough to last for a bit? And, good luck girl!


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