Sunday, November 13, 2005

So, where to start?

Now that I'm unemployed again, I may start blogging with gusto once more. I have a bunch of stories to tell, some backstories from work that I feel comfortable posting now without fear of retribution, and some that continue to develop everyday.

I'll start with this: My sudden expulsion from the office finally got to me last night. I still don't give a shit about the job, cause Christ it sucked and I truly wouldn't wish being around those lawyer-whores on my worst enemy. I've mentioned how well I've bonded with my co-workers, but it took this to really have it hit home for me. One thing my co-workers (can I still call them that?) have in common is our law school experience. For all of us, we didn't make best friends with anyone during that time. Our group of friends were strictly drinking/studying buddies. I called them when I needed to make a coffee run, or maybe if I heard some good gossip. But when I'm upset, or when something great happens, they're far down on the list. For that I call my college and old pre-law work friends. So for all of us, we had a really hard time in law school, not having really close friends around, who cared about you and totally understood you. But these guys, my co-workers, in two short months, have become those friends. So, after a three year drought I finally find myself spending time with people who know everything about me (remember, we spend 8 straight hours/day talking, and if it's a happy hour day, tack a good 6-8 hours on top of that, intoxicated), who have figured out not just the things I like, but what makes me tick, and when I do something silly or plain idiotic, they totally laugh at me, but in that way that says you're being hilarious to them, not just being weird in a way they don't understand. It's actually a lot like my workplace in Ohio after college, the last time I made friends like this.

So, one day I find myself becoming happy and confident and totally sure of myself all the time for the first time in years (which is probably the thing that got me fired; in the post mortem my friends have tagged me as a bit of the ringleader, if there was such a thing, of the office, leaving me susceptible to inflicting the biggest moral-hit if I was taken out....and yes, we reason this out because our bosses never matured beyond middle school), and the next day, I find my train car latch has been disconnected and they're all traveling on without me. Now, I know this isn't the end, because we're still going to see each other (like we did this evening in fact), but that office was where it started, and where we catch up with each other everyday. We sat and flipped through papers and theorized to each other why we keep ending up with the same kind of man, or the extent of our family histories, or about the hot guy I just exchanged a glace with at starbucks during break. And it's not like the project ended, they still keep going to work everyday while I have to sit at home, and it just struck me last evening as being so utterly unfair. That some whore-bitch can end that because she feels like it.

My law school friend T is in town this weekend and we all went out last night. I went cause I definatly needed a drink, but I was bored. Aside from my roommate and his boyfriend, both of whom I think I've bonded with beyond the law school-era superficiality that permeated my other relationships during that time, I still feel the same with all the others. Like, we talk and laugh, but I also think that after awhile, it was pretty obvious that something was wrong with me, and none of them asked me what was wrong. Cause we had to talk about what was going to be played on the jukebox, you know? And it just really punctuated the difference. Last week, we had an office happy hour and one of the new girls came, barely with us a week. But that day she had broke up with her boyfriend and I spent part of the evening hugging her while she cried about it. That same evening, a gross slobbery boy was all over me and this other girl, and whenever he came near, even if he came up behind me where I didn't notice, one of my friends would suddenly, without my prompting (but with my gratitude) pull me over out of his grasp. I know it sounds kind of silly, but it's just those little things that make you realize how nice it is to be with people who get you, and not just want to hang out with you because if you come out, there will be one more person to create coversation.

Gah. I actually had some funny stories from tonight, but it'll have to wait until tomorrow. Luckily for you (or not!), I have the time to tell them all now. I think I just had to get that off my chest, cause I spent a good deal of time crying about it when I got home last night, and here's a shout-out to Mindy who picked up the phone at midnight after working all evening, cause I needed to hear a friend.


At 6:20 AM, November 13, 2005, Anonymous eve said...

Your post made me so homesick! :( I remember what it's like to have friends around who can give you that kind of feeling.

At 1:04 PM, November 13, 2005, Blogger G. said...

It's interesting that you said that about law school because I had the same experience -- I doubt I will keep in touch with anyone I met in law school except for one or maybe two people. I thought it was just because I am a very, very different person than 95% of the people who tend to go to my school, or, more broadly, the people who choose to attend "fancy" law schools in general. But now that you mention it, maybe it's just something about the experience.

At 1:36 PM, November 13, 2005, Blogger Snow Crow said...

I had the same type of law school experience - I certainly didn't bond with anyone at my "fancy" law school. They and I were just too different. I got along much better with people at my second (state) law school, but it wasn't until after law school when I started to become friendly with people from BarBri, of all places.

At 4:07 PM, November 13, 2005, Blogger sheslike said...

Ditto on the law school people thing. Nothing holding us together other than the year we graduated. Sounds like your work experience was truly special and I hope you all keep at it. Friends like that don't come around that much.


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