Monday, November 21, 2005

A sure fire way to determine you're right-handed.

Last night C and I were watching an old episode of Law & Order. What transpired was one of the weirder conversations I've had in awhile:

Coroner: "Your guy is left-handed."
Lenny: "How do you know?"
Coroner: "Your vic's neck was broken from behind. Come stand here." Jesse L. Martin duly stands in front of her, facing away from her. The red-haired coroner takes her hands and puts them on each side of his head. She twists his head around by pushing her left hand towards the front, while her right hand pushes towards the back. "See, that's the natural movement."

C: "Huh." Puts his hand out in front of him and pretends to break someone's neck. "I don't think that's natural."
Me: Puts my hands out and pretends to break someone's neck. "Yes it is, I'm right handed, see how I'd twist in front with my right hand?"
C: "You're crazy, I'd totally push forward with my left hand."
(Picture the both of us sitting on the couch pretending to break someone's neck over and over to see which way is more "natural."
Me: "But you're right-handed?"
C: "Yes."
Me: "Are you ambidexterous?"
C: "No. Well, I dribble with my left hand."
Me: "A basketball?"
C: "Yeah."
Me: "Okay, so to dribble a basketball and break someone's neck, you're left-handed."
C: "Yes."

**

A few days ago I got a big envelope from Capital One:
Capital One sends me a gift!
Wow! I must have won something! It didn't weigh much, but I opened it right up:
Wait...what's this??
Wha?? What the hell?
Capital One, you wasteful whores!
Are you kidding me? No, I didn't really think they'd sent me a gift, but I expected more than ONE piece of paper! What a fucking waste of a huge-ass envelope! Obviously they wanted to get my attention, but here's a note to Capital One: Not only did I still throw it away, just like everything else you send me, but now I'm furious that you're using my monthly fees to waste huge amounts of resources for no purpose whatsoever. Yes, you got my attention, but it wasn't the kind you wanted. Well played.

**

So, in my continuing unemployment, I woke up late today, probably due to the rain. I also woke up with ungodly cramps, which I haven't had in years thanks to my awesome depo that I had to stop using when my health insurance ran out. Instead of going to the gym like I planned, I turned on the space heater, got an afghan, called Chase, and we watched the food network all day. Chase enjoyed our day so much, he didn't budge when I got up to check my email:
By the light of the squawkbox.
Of course, he had a busier day than me, trying to eat the postal worker who delivered the package from my mom this afternoon. It's hard work, you know.

3 Comments:

At 10:50 PM, November 21, 2005, Blogger Legal Quandary said...

I think that's the new gimmick companies are using - they've finally figured out that we just throw away any sort of advertising they send us.

I had a similar experience last week. While eating dinner, ding-dong, the doorbell rings and its the UPS man. Confused, I opened the envelope to find a 2 page ad for Verizon FIOS.

After I got over my initial shock (letters delivered by UPS are usually 1) expected and/or 2) very good or very bad), I was ticked!

 
At 1:12 AM, November 22, 2005, Blogger jm said...

Good to know that the interest I'm paying on my Capital One card is being put to good use.

 
At 2:10 PM, November 24, 2005, Blogger Saucy Lil' Tart said...

Just reuse the envelope. It's the only way to make it better.

 

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