I need a paper towel.

There has been a dead spider in my bathroom since Friday morning. I saw it in the mirror around 6:15a.m., as I was getting ready for my exam. It's too bad there was no one else there, because I'm sure the look on my sleep-deprived face was fucking priceless. After the half-second I completely froze, trying to determine exactly where it was on the wall behind me (so as to not flail myself right into it), I ran to my kitchen cabinet. I grabbed the can that looks like WD-40, with the little straw, except it's probably the most lethal pesticide you can legally purchase in the states. The maintentance man in my building let me keep it after I called him to kill the ginormous tarantula that walked right in when I left my window open too long last summer. Before you make fun, even he said "holy shit, that's the biggest thing I've ever seen." Anyway, a little spray from this can will kill an elephant and probably all the plants within fifty feet of it. Of course, I can never let it go with one quick spray, I have to keep spraying so the little fucker doesn't run under the cabinet to die. Which results in my entire apartment smelling like a chemical factory, which I know will end up giving me some kind of messed up cancer. But as my friend said, "Well, if that doesn't give it to you, something else will," and...that's a fair point.

So anyway, the spider curled up and died in the corner of the bathroom. I'm always afraid they'll come back to life, so I left it to soak up the pesticide while I went to take my exam. The problem now is that it's really too big to pick up with toilet paper, and I keep forgetting to bring a paper towel with me when I go to the bathroom. I know, there's really no end to my laziness. But it's Saturday night now and I'm a little worried that soon his family is going to realize he's missing, and go looking for him. Tomorrow morning I'll go to wash my face and 53 daddy long-legs will be lined up on my bathmat having a fucking wake. That's all I need.

Saturday morning weightlifting

I'm trying to study for Federal Courts, but i'm having senioritis issues. I've gained a lot of muscle carrying around casebooks and commercial codes for three years, but this one, by far, is the monster:

Underpass miracles

Where are all the crazy people going to go now?

I've got your pig dive right here -

This is why China will soon surpass the U.S. as world superpower.

blog updates

I've been cleaning up the blog a little bit. You'll notice you can now click on the sidebar to email me or add me to your blogroll. Speaking of the blogroll, I've added one of those, too, except I can't seem to get the first one to line up with the rest. If you know how to fix that, let me know.

Since it's a Friday night in the middle of finals and I just had an exam this morning, I took a nap only to discover that Drumline was on TNT when I woke up. I was hoping for a Law and Order rerun, but I thought, this is so much better! It's just like Bring it On but without the hot chicks and half the farce. It's got all the variables: cocky protagonist who gets himself kicked off the 'team,' a group of zany friends with the token tough female and the token white guy who can't dance, an upperclassman bully who the protagonist eventually befriends, a musical montage while the protagonist (sob!) learns to read...I mean, learns to read music, and a tense but thrilling final competition. But, it's taking itself just a little too seriously. Nobody watches these movies to make a real emotional connection with the characters - I want some camp, some satire, some buffoonery, if you will. I give it 3 stars, for having the form but lacking the function. Orlando Jones should stick to 7-Up commercials.

I was going to end with some pig olympics from china, but Flickr seems to be down for the moment, so it'll have to wait.

Update! We have a two-way tie with a final drum-off! The suspense!

I think I started an epidemic...

Actually Scott started it, and I suppose it IS Friday now:



I think Iggy here speaks for himself.
Thanks to Rebecca for her grueling work judging kittens so that she could pass along this gem.

Done!

Okay, not really. Half-done. My antitrust exam was this morning and yes, it was brutal. But I managed to work in the phrase "mere puffery," so I'm happy.

The prof totally wrote a six-hour exam for us to take in four, but we were kind of expecting that. I'm just glad I'll never have to think about Microsoft again, damn monopolists. (I love you MacOS.)

I fattened myself up on turkey and guac at quiznos, which means I'm all ready to plop in bed and watch a movie. Maybe I'll pick up the UCC tonight, maybe I won't.

Left: Federal Courts on Monday; Sales & Secured Transactions on Wednesday.

"Worm"

I'm not really a cat person, nor is it Friday, but here's your cat-blogging for the day:



Tell me that's not the funniest thing you've ever seen.

The View From Here

This is what I've been staring at all day:



And by all day, I really mean for the last three years. That's my unreliable, but still utterly lovable, iBook, with my blog on the screen, which I thought was a nice touch. My coffee, my ghetto desk light with an awful yellow-ish bulb, and my increasingly worn antitrust law outline, which be promptly thrown in the recycle bin around noon tomorrow.

Ugh. I have a headache.

100 Ways to Procrastinate.

As you've probably noticed by my lenghtening blog roll, I've been reading a ton of blawgs lately. Most of them are 1Ls and 2Ls, which kind of makes me wonder if I'm going to have to totally rearrange this site when I graduate. You know, I actually had a blog way back when I was a 1L, but hardly anyone knew what blog was (just three short years ago) and although I used it to keep my friends informed while I was in Chile that summer, I ended up dumping it soon after I got back. I wonder if I'd be some blogger veteran if I'd kept at it.

Two blogs I enjoy come from each end of the spectrum. As you probably know, since you may have been directed here from it, the stag blog features the adventures an student who will soon be joining our ranks this fall. Then way on the other side, we have A Girl Walks Into a Bar (Exam), who, like me, will be taking the California bar this summer. And as it turns out, I'm not the only one the CalBar likes to screw around with. Go read both, then check out the rest of my roll.

My antitrust exam is tomorrow morning, and seeing how I've been fucking around all week, I should probably sit down and learn what a cartel is. If you remember, my court date was supposed to be yesterday (before it got moved last week to July 6), so I had a lot more time on my hands than I thought I would. Next Wednesday can NOT come fast enough.

Mixed messages

Since iTunes makes my poor laptop run too hot, I've been listening to the radio all day. Here's a sample commercial break:

"Treat your mother to laser hair removal this Mother's Day!"

--followed by--

"Tonight on Fox News at 10: Why is this father mourning his daughter?" Father, "It's terrible, people don't know the dangers. We've got to end laser hair removal."

My brain hurts.

I CAN have that job!

This is hilarious. My mom likes to send me miscellaneous stuff once in awhile, usually mail that I still get at home, interesting articles in the paper, or whatever. Today she sent me - I kid you not - a pamphlet from Starbucks asking for short, cheesy statements to print on the side of their coffee cups!! She mailed it Monday, so she didn't even know about my post from yesterday.

Well, I guess it's not a job that pays. Much like most jobs I'm offered.

She also sent me a comic with a boy opening a letter and saying, "Thank goodness! The student loan company says this is the last notice I'm going to get!" Funny, Mom...real funny.

Your political statement of the day.

Like Leno said: Love it or hate it, you won't have no reaction to this song.

"When the President Talks to God" - Bright Eyes
Windows Media File

Here's a sample:

"When the president talks to God
Does he ever think that maybe he's not?
That that voice is just inside his head
When he kneels next to the presidential bed
Does he ever smell his own bullshit
When the president talks to God?"

Worst. Week. Ever.

Man, I can NOT get a break. The California Bar Examiners are seriously trying to fuck with my mind. Apparently my testing center situation is screwed up, and there is the possibility I might have to take the exam in Sacramento - which, in case you don't have a map - is very far from Los Angeles. Honestly, just tell me the name of the person who gets my fiery wrath. And the f'ing bill for my plane fare.

And in case you were wondering:

Every language is an old-growth forest of the mind, a watershed of thought, an ecosystem of spiritual possibilities.

That's what is says on the side of my starbucks coffee cup. Please. Who does that? I mean, it's somebody's job to come up with these things, right? Can I have that job? Seriously, because I don't think the powers that be want me to be a lawyer anyway.

Bad coup'la days.

Yikes. My computer blew up yesterday, so my posts will be few and far between for the next two weeks. Yesterday was one of those days it all kept adding up. Missed the shuttle, missed the metro, spent all day using the school computer, which kept eating files off my jump drive, then finally, when I freaked out as I remembered there are no places to eat at school on Sunday, I realized that I'm completely stressed out and hadn't really noticed, or at least, I'm supressing it a lot better than I used to, ha. Ah well.

My first exam is in 25 minutes and it's my birthday. Business as usual.

With luck, I will update soon with news of a newly fixed computer and a "Pass" in Wills.

Update: 3:22p.m.
Wow, that was the shortest exam ever. Not that that means I got any of them right, ha. Per stirpes with per capita representation? WTF? Oh well. Done and done.
Update 2: 4:58p.m.
After talking to some people waiting for the shuttle, I realized I'm not the only one who thought "Um, we didn't learn this," during the exam. I heard that at the end of the review (which wasn't mandatory), the new prof said, "I know you learned it this way, but it's wrong, so don't answer that on the exam." Nice.