I'm outta here!

I'm at the Apple store right now - and they approved a new computer for me! Woo! But that means I'll be computerless until I get back from Cali. I even got a cheap upgrade of the RAM and hard drive.

Email me if you need me. Bye for now everyone!

Okay, I'm a liar!

I lie. Through my big shiny teeth. I can NOT stop thinking about this computer issue, and it's starting to get almost as distracting as the computer itself. It's one of those things that keeps running through my brain when I try to fall asleep, probably in a desparate attempt not to think of bar issues.

I'm not sure I mentioned it on the blog, but my computer hasn't turned off in a month. Everytime I try to shut it down, it freezes and I have to reboot, so it "sleeps" during the night instead of being off.

So I'm going to the Apple store. I'll bring my flashcards for the metro/waiting at the store, which is what I was planning on doing this next two hours anyway, so it won't be a total loss.

Depending on the result of this visit, I may or may not have my computer for the next week. Which is partially good, as it will not be distracting, but I also won't be around to vent/blog with the rest of you until I get to Cali. I leave next Wednesday, so I'll have a good week at home before the exam, and I'm sure I'll run to my Mom's computer.

FYI - If you need to reach me, I'll have other ways of checking my email, so you can use "twotimingthecosmos [at] gmail [dot] com" (it's on the sidebar), or any other email address you might have for me - they all foward to the same place.

Good luck everyone. Catch you later.

A good way to lose your scrotum:

Knock on my windows at 8am. Lucky for this man, he knocked on my neighbor's windows instead. As you might remember, I live on the first floor of my apartment building, next to the driveway that goes down to the garage, which is annoying enough as it is.

This guy yelled to my neighbor, "Hey! HEY! We got a big truck comin' down here! Close your windows, will ya!?" My response:

1) Big trucks come down the driveway, quite literally, ten times a day. Garbage trucks, the guy who refills the vending machines, even the virgins driving their massive moving trucks filled to the brim with their precious crap manage to navigate this wily driveway.

2) There is a cement window sill on the outside that acts as a bumper, which means, in order to hit our windows, even when they're pushed out all the way (about three inches), you'd have to be driving straight into my apartment. And I disapprove of that.

3) It then took this asshole, I swear to god, eighteen hours to back down the driveway. So, I'm really glad I tried to get an extra half-hour of sleep, as he went "BEEP...BEEP....BEEP...BEEP...BEEP" for so long I almost marched down there and ripped his scrotum off anyway.

4) Apparently, the truck was a tree shredder, because it has been making some GOD AWFUL GRINDING NOISE for the last hour and a half. Someone is not going to live through this day. I'll give you one guess who that will be. I'll give you another guess who will have a brand new tree shredder to dispose of her flashcards with in a couple weeks. Just kidding, I'd never shred these babies. They're going in a box, with their fate to be decided on November 18 at 5pm.

In short, I am now fully awake. Which is good, because it's Community Property & Torts day! What could be better than that?

Bar/Bri tells me:

"It is important to be both specific and precise in identifying the correct item of evidence."

Really? I need to be both specific and precise?

Should I also be explicit, distinct, and unambiguous? Please Bar/Bri, if you're not definitive with these instructions, how will I know with particularity what I'm supposed to do?

"Are those strips of meat?"

In case anyone, like JM in the comments, was wondering about my profile picture over here ---->

Those are octopi. They're hanging out at a restaurant on the island of Aegina, off the coast of Athens, just waiting for some passer by to say, "Damn, those look scrumptious! Fry one up for me, will ya?" Except in Greek, probably.

I thought it was too good to pass by without memorializing it forever. So here it is. For you to look at, and wonder what about what it might be. :)

Writing cover letters:

A. Reminds you how much you suck.
B. Reminds you how much your writing sucks.
C. Is a relaxing break while studying for the bar.
D. Reminds you that you're still jobless and facing $100K in debt.

C is obviously wrong. B and D are technically correct, but not the best answers. A is the right answer because it's universal, encompassing not only B and D, but how much you have sucked in everything you've ever done.

I just wrote my last cover letter until after the bar. I had cut myself off after Fourth of July weekend, but a friend sent me a posting for a non-profit that was awesome and probably not going to be open three weeks from now.

I had Rebecca read over the letter I whipped up this morning (thanks!) and she noted, "This must be really stressful right now." In a word: yes. I was thinking, between my lawsuit, my sickness, my computer problems, and my joblessness, it will be a sheer miracle if I pass the bar. I've decided I'm just going to have to ride out my iBook until it goes quietly into that good night, because I had a panic attack last night at the thought of going to Apple this morning and pleading with the man to give me a new one - and then having to go back again to take back this one when they refuse, or pick up a new one. Not now. Not two weeks before the exam. My warranty expires the first week of August, so it's now or never, and I think it's going to be never. Like I told Rebecca, people are starving in Africa and I'm just going to have to be thankful I have a computer at all.

On another note, I've been trying to wind up studying everyday by 11pm, so I watch the Daily Show as I'm getting ready for bed. If you haven't watched in awhile, they have a new set, which is going to take awhile to get used to. The screen behind Jon looks like it goes on into infinity, so that's a little distracting.

On Monday's show, they talked about the London bombings and showed a couple of clips from Fox News that I wanted to share with you:

Fox News anchor, "See, this is why they should have given the Olympics to France."
Guest on a different Fox program, "When I first heard of the bombings, I thought, just on a personal level...I should be looking at the futures, this might be a really good time to buy."

God, I hate those fuckers. Thank you Jon Stewart for keeping my sanity in this political and cultural nightmare we're living in right now.

Hey look, I got bit.

Or quoted. Or something.

I'm going to be home for almost three weeks..

and I'd like to bring these with me:

Packing, quite literally, dead weight in your luggage: Goood ideaaa??

What's wrong with this card?

More proof that Washington is an....."interesting" town.

I was walking back from GW today, down K Street towards the Farragut North metro station. At two blocks (K and 18th, and the next block, K and Connecticut) there were people directing traffic.

You know, blowing whistles and motioning for the pedestrians to go or stay put.

At each block, every single street light and crosswalk light was working.

This leads me to one of two conclusions:
1) Washingtonians are too stupid to follow simple directions.
2) Washington Metro Authority gave up on any kind of grasp of an urban train system, and told their employees to "go play in traffic."

Either of those are equally plausible.

A new day.

Good news. I am feeling supreme this morning. Still a little groggy from the past few days of nonsense, but I got up and there were no pains, no red eyes, no fever. So, score 1 for docs at GW. I also woke up sharply at 7am, normally I'd see that number on the clock and just pull up the blankets, but my body seems to think I've reached my sleep quotient finally, and cut me off. Which is fine, cause I had a mess-load of dishes to do. I think every single utensil and plate and cup in the house was dirty. The cuppords were downright bare yesterday, so while the percocet was giving me the shakes, I called a friend and asked her to pick me up some bread and crackers to munch on until I could get to the store. Nice of her, huh?

So, now I've got to seriously make up some time here. The flashcards need to be done and done. Then I've got to start piling that information in my brain....like my dirty laundry is doing right now in my closet. Two weeks exactly: will she make it??

Note to self:

Percocet and yogurt do not mix.

Good times.

What an eventful day, and it's only 9am. Lucky, lucky me. By the way, I apologize that this has become the "Blog of my health problems" lately. I promise, it will soon be over! But first, one final chapter to the saga.

I woke up just after 4am, feeling as if I'd suddenly descended 30,000 feet. My left ear was in so much effing pain, I couldn't get back to sleep. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

%$%&*#*&*# EAR INFECTION!! AHHHHH!

I couldn't get back to sleep so finally I said to myself, "Heather, just go to the god damn doctor already." And what better time to get a good spot in line at the ER than 5am on a Monday morning?

By pure luck, my mom happened to be awake on the west coast, because she had to leave for LAX at 3:30am. So I called her just to confirm I wasn't overreacting. She was more concerned that 1) I hadn't gone earlier and 2) I was going by myself. I told her I'd be fine, that I'd take a cab to Georgetown. Which was all well and good until not 1, not 4, not 8, but at least TEN taxis sped right by me. Oh, they all saw me, and gave me the old "sorry" wave. WTF. They were probably all getting off shift or something. Anyway, after 15 minutes of this I said, "fuck it" and got on the metro to go to GW instead. Did you know GW is where they take the President if he gets shot? Yup. In fact, it's named the Ronald Reagan Emergency Room. Everything in this ridiculous town is named after Ronald Reagan. As soon as I walked in, I had the urge to yell, "Is this publicly funded?! TEAR IT DOWN!"

Anyway, the doc took a quick look and said, "Oh, you definitely have an ear infection. It sounds like you had a viral infection (the fever from thursday), which led to the bacterial infections in your eyes and ear." In other words: I am a total mess right now. He gave me two perscriptions for antibiotics for my eyes and ear, and some oxycodone, which I'm looking forward to once it kicks in.

I hit up the CVS on K Street (I looked hot in my sweatshirt and frizzy hair next to the lawyers in Armani), and even though the sign said the phramacy was supposed to open at 8am, it wasn't. I went up to ask a clerk who said they were running late and wouldn't open until 9am. (It was 8:10am.) Then, between the lack of sleep, the 5am trek to the ER, and the general fog I've been living in for the last two months, I asked the clerk, "Do all, um, is, uh...[meaningless hand gesture]...the others supposed to open at eight?" That's why I went to law school, folks: to be all articulate and shit.

I got my drugs (and more pens, woo!) at the CVS in my neighborhood, so now I'm just waiting for the painkiller to kick in so I can catch some zzz's. Man, I'm going to end up winging this exam. It's gonna be great!

An Ode to My Pen

O pen!

Your brethen are slain
One by one
Atop my stack of cards.

Wills and trusts
Per stirpes by representation
How will I learn thee
If my pen is in vexation?

The ink has gone dry
And so has my brain
I guess I shall flush this pen
With it's brother down the drain.

Wankers, all of them.

I almost forgot why I stopped watching CNN. Then I turned it on for a few minutes and remembered:

Wolf Blitzer makes me want to stick sharp objects in my ears.

Also, I don't know who the fuck Chad Myers is, but he's one of the biggest wankers I've seen in awhile. I think he's just trying to show up Anderson Cooper and his hurricane adventures.

Chad: "I can taste the wind coming off the ocean. I know, I know! People ask me! How can you taste the wind?! It's because the wind is blowing the water in from the ocean! And it's the salt I can taste!"
Anchor woman: "Hey Chad, I'm not your mother, but you're making me nervous walking into the surf like that. Come on back, why don't you."
Chad: "I know, I know! They tell you, right? They tell you never turn your back on the camera. But out there, never turn your back on Mother Nature! Okay okay, I'm coming back."

Christ man, I need those brain cells for the bar.

Wolf just said: "I want to stress to our viewers out there that even though the worst is over in some places, [dramatic pause] the worst is still yet to come in others."

That reminds me of the hands-down funniest one-liner I ever heard on SNL. During the Weekend Update, Norm McDonald said, "And in other news, most people are still in the majority, while still fewer are in the minority."

Flashcard update!

I'm halfway through Wills, and still have Trusts, Remedies and PR left. I was thinking how easy this will be in February, having my flashcards already made. Kidding. Sort of.

You know, I was so excited when I hit the big 1000 on my site-meter a few months after my blogs initiation into the world, I can't believe I didn't notice when I hit 2000 barely a week and a half later. Crazy! So, Visitor 2181, I dedicate that stack of flashcards to you.

So, my friend stayed overnight at the hospital. An ear, nose and throat specialist saw him this morning and found an abcess in his throat which they removed. The doc says it was probably brought on by strep throat, which is highly contagious, and which prompted his roommate to call me after they found that out, since our symptoms are pretty similar. However, like everything else I've experienced this week, I've never had strep throat, so I wouldn't even know how to identify it. Like Thursday when I went all day thinking I was groggy and tired, when I was actually burning a fever. I've heard strep is incredibly painful though, and my throat doesn't hurt, it's just tight. At any rate, my other eye is infected now, which was pretty much a given. I wore glasses all day yesterday, since I couldn't put my contacts in, any my eyelashes hit the lenses, so there was probably no way I could keep my other eye from getting it. Wicked gross.

Okay, Gods of Sickness - I get the message already! I'll call AU tomorrow and have them recommend a doctor who takes walk-ins. But if it's really bad, I'll go to Georgetown Medical, where my friend went, and tell them "I have what he had." Of course, my friend's been on morphine and percocet since then, so I'm thinking that won't mix well with my massive flashcard learnin'.