Tuesday, October 17, 2006

I've said it before.

There's one thing that drives me crazy when it rains in DC. No, it's not the drivers, although DC drivers rival Californians in their total inability to maneuver a vehicle when it sprinkles. Luckily, I gave up trying not to get crushed by SUVs while navigating the streets of DC years ago.

No, I'm talking about ginormous umbrella holders. They're called "golf umbrellas" for a reason people — they're only supposed to be used in wide open spaces, not the tiny sidewalks of an urban landscape. Consider the fact that, if you use one of these, you're a douchebag who's willfully violating other people's space with your giant tent, while the rest of us perform acrobatics trying not to get our eyes poked out because you're afraid of getting a few drops on you that a regular sized umbrella may have missed. Which is even funnier, because 80% of the people who use these things are men, not realizing that it makes them look like giant pussies. Do we have to subscribe to a 'bigger-is-better' mentality for everything? Or wait, is it because most of these men don't have cars, so they can't buy penis-mobiles, so they must advertise their virility through the enormous-ness of their water-shield?

Eh, this is Washington; all of the above is true.


At 10:19 AM, October 17, 2006, Blogger T said...

I like the way it makes people scurry out of my way as I stride manfully down the sidewalk. Also, it blocks out everything above eyelevel, so that I can feel even more like the center of the world.

Alternatively, I wear a good quality raincoat and no umbrella, because I hate them. But sometimes a guy just needs to feel important...


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