Stars: They're Just Like Us!
Thank goodness I decided to fly to Cali yesterday and not today. I hear y'all are suffering through some fun weather. You know, last time I traveled home was during Deluge '06 back east. That's right, every time I leave the capital it cries bitter tears of sadness. I won't be back until Monday, so try to comfort the east coast until then, will you?
I got to LAX around 1pm yesterday afternoon and proceeded, as ordered, to baggage carousel 2 to pick up my suitcase. I was in the back of the plane so it was already pretty crowded with folks anxiously staring at the unmoving carrier, so I headed to the back side where it was still pretty empty. About a minute later, three women around my age and a very serious luggage porter came and stood beside me, and after another minute the blonde one said, annoyed, "God, why won't they just leave us alone already," then turned to the porter and asked, "Isn't the airport private property??" I turned around and saw - you guessed it - a shady paparazzi character semi-hiding behind a large pillar, sticking his telephoto lens in our direction.
Since she was right next to me it wasn't to hard to discreetly take a couple of peeks, but I really did not recognize her. She looked like every other blonde woman in Southern California, and was wearing those giant sunglasses that obscured her face (now I get why those are so popular in Hollywood). Eventually she started speaking again and I instantly recognized that voice - it was Ms. Renée Zellweger. She's very short. Maybe I just thought she was taller because Tom Cruise is actually a midget. Also, I'm pretty sure airports fall under the purview of the federal government, don't they? To her credit, she wasn't being a bitch about it or anything, and it was actually quite annoying, seeing as the guy was actually taking photos of me, too, and I soon picked up my carry-on and moved about 15 feet away from her. But hey, check out the tabloids! Maybe you can see my fine ass and disheveled hair while I impatiently waited for my bags.
Finally the luggage started coming out and Renée spotted her bag and came up right next to me and omg Renée Zellweger touched me! Or something. She actually picked up the wrong bag and put it back, then kept checking all the large black bags that went past cause they all looked exactly the same, and I felt some guy on my other side start fidgeting nervously. Then he suddenly jumped forward and grabbed a black bag...just as she picked up a the correct one and started walking away. Embarrassed, because I saw his failed attempt to Help The Famous Person, he put it back on the carousel and mumbled, "I was just gonna help..." Heh. Don't worry, Nervous Star-Stuck Guy. Famous people can pick up their own luggage.