If it's gonna take my leg, the bitch better take all of me.
I must have angered the gods today. Maybe god is a really a dog.
After the Paper Cut of Death incident this morning, I nearly got my leg torn off by the god damn metro turnstile. I was rushing through, swiped my SmarTrip card like a good DC citizen, and kept on walking without nary a pause. Except. Except! One of the nasty yellow jaws refused to open, so my thigh smashed right into it, as the rest of my body kept going forward. Fuck. I hit the thing so hard I actually made a noise, and a very large man approaching to exit the turnstiles, shocked by the entire exchange, yelled, "Whoa!" to his traveling partners. I fully expected to turn around and see my leg lying there on the platform tiles, getting stomped on by commuters who could care less if you're dying because they need to sprint to catch the train that will be followed by another in two minutes.
I know quite a few of my readers are not in DC and maybe don't know what our metro entrances look like. So I thought I'd bust out my mad art skillz for you. I know these babies aren't Palm Springs quality, back in my hey-day of MS Paint (holla!), but these were done on Adobe Illustrator, which kicks some serious ass if you can use it, but look who we're talking about here.
Here we go - you swipe your metro card on the top there, while the two yellow triangle things regress into the sides to allow you passage.
Evil Metro Jaws of Hell Before: (click to enlarge)
But! This is what happens when one of the jaws malfunctions.
Post-Ripping of Leg by Evil Metro Jaws of Hell:
Look! Someone even stole my bags in the second one. Not cool, people.
Remember me the next time you choose to ride Metro. Metro may open doors, but you can't enter them without losing a limb.