Anorexia is the New Detox
Or so my roommates tell me. I'm hanging out having a lazy Saturday on the couch and Joe comes into the living room.
Joe: So hey, Christopher and I are thinking of doing a little detox, if you're interested.
Me (perking up, thinking of the numerous extra cheese pizza slices I ate at 1am last night after drunkenly stumbling home with C from an engagement party, for which we started drinking at 5:30pm): Oh?
Joe: Yeah, you make this concoction of water, lemon juice, maple syrup and some cayenne pepper to taste...
Me: Ew...and you drink this every morning?
Joe: Oh, no, it's the only thing you eat for ten days.
Joe: We saw this video on Current that followed these guys for ten days on the detox program. Every one of them lost 10-15 pounds in ten days.
Me: ...You're both fucking insane, you know that right?
I already knew they were both crazy, but this is a path through Crazy Town they've yet to take me on. Neither of these boys have three pounds to lose, much less 10, much less TEN IN TEN DAYS. Christopher and I had talked on Friday about starting to run together, so when he joined the conversation I said, "Hey, I wanted to get you up early so we could start running on Monday." C, excitedly: "Yeah, that'll be great!" Me: "What?? You're NOT going running, not to mention your two-mile-each-way walk to work on 10 calories a day!" C: "Why not! It'll be great!"
God, I live in queer-image-hell sometimes. I think I will take their cue and ease my caloric intake for at least the next week. I've been eating a lot of ice cream (it's so hot!), bbq food, and beer lately, and have definitely gained a few pounds, which always feels that much grosser during a heat wave. So, I can do that. Eat some vegetables and throw that leftover pizza out.
I will say though, they're going to give me great blogging fodder for the next week and a half. They'll be the "Joe passed out in front of his class" post, the "We can play the xylophone on Christopher's ribs!" post, and what's sure to be a fan-favorite, the "Do I need to call 911?" post.