The Dismemberment Plan: An Essay Contest
I watch my friends whip themselves into awesome frenzies every couple of weeks or so over some concert and who got tickets before they sold out in four minutes. I am not anywhere near a rabid music fan. I usually read my friends' blogs and see what new bands are happenin', then I get the album and see if I like it. You know, I let them do the research for me.
The latest culprit of the Frenzy: The Dismemberment Plan. I'll be totally honest. I've never heard of them. But I was bored at work, as usual. So I opened ticketmaster at 4:59pm.
AND BOUGHT TWO TICKETS.
You heard me. I have two tickets to see The Dismemberment Plan on April 28, a concert that reportedly sold out at 5:01pm. The most undeserving fan in the whole universe. And apparently none of my friends did. If this were any other concert, I won't lie, I would have absolutely no compunction scalping them and paying off my credit cards. But it's a god damn fucking benefit, which means, obvs, I'll go to hell. Plus, I'm pretty sure my friends would murder me in cold blood on the streets.
So I IM'd David about my ethical conundrum. Do I go see the concert? Do I give them to my friends at cost? Just one, or both? And to whom?? He said: Hold an essay contest. Haha, I said, my friends are still going to totally fucking murder me. But that's hilarious, I'll do it.
Please email me a short fictional story featuring The Dismemberment Plan. The story must also include a fudgecicle and a rhyming couplet about Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. And c'mon, if you can't have a sense of humor about how totally hilarious this whole situation is, you don't deserve the tickets.
David will be guest judging. Good luck! I'm going to go run from the mob now.
Love your lucky in all the wrong ways friend,
P.S. The tickets are will call, so keep your knives to yourselves, or no one gets a ticket.