Sunday, May 06, 2007

oh spidey

That was the worst romantic comedy I've ever seen. The sheer number of grown men crying put Telemundo to shame. To shame. As kind of a joke I sent out an evite for this, because I was having a bbq afterwards, and also cause evite is a little ridiculous and has become somewhat of an inside joke because Paul helped invent it or some such, and David responded that he'd come and that he'd heard "this episode was totally Emo." Now, remember this if you haven't seen it yet, because when Peter gets all angsty for the first time, looks in the mirror, then, unsatisfied, brushes his bangs down in his eyes like a Fall Out Boy reject, which lasts for the next hour of the movie, you will laugh your ass off like you've never laughed before. Except for 100 other moments in the movie that are so awful, so embarrassing, so "why didn't somebody edit this out!" At one point David yelled, "This is the most embarrassing five minutes I've ever seen." Except wait five minutes, cause it gets worse. So much worse. The American Flag! Omg. Where's al qaeda?? I need to beat some anti-american ass! Or at least, laugh until I can't move. But, it's all fun and games until you sorry excuse for superheroes get emotional and whatever for a thousand hours. The first twenty minutes of the movie are an exact indicator of how the rest will go. By then you're pretty much asleep and/or rolling your eyes profusely. When Peter starts sobbing on the bridge at the end, you wonder when "SpiderBitch" got commissioned instead of Spiderman 3. I wonder how Meg Ryan got left out of this golden opportunity. But seriously, go see it, have a LOT of caffeine, and a couple of jack & cokes beforehand, and you'll be ready for "Spiderman 3: Death of a Franchise." You know, until Spiderman 4: MJ Gets That Not So Fresh Feeling. I fear for the world when the Harry Potter preview actually captivated us more than the entire supposedly-quality-superhero movie did.

Ah anyway, we followed that amazingly bad excuse for a movie with the first bbq of the year, with one of the best burgers I've had in a long time and about a gallon of yuengling. If the weather would just get a tad warmer, and I would get some speakers for the backyard, it would have been just about perfect. Okay okay I got it: Spiderman 3: Like a Live Circumcision - Nauseating to Watch, but You Stayed for the Hilarious Conversation After.


At 8:23 AM, May 07, 2007, Blogger Sparkles Anon! said...


At 5:27 PM, May 08, 2007, Blogger sunchaser said...

"have a LOT of caffeine, and a couple of jack & cokes beforehand"

Caffeine and Jack & Coke? Hmmm...

Glad I read your review though. thanks! :) Not even sure if it sounds like something I'd want to spend time watching on DVD.

It's kind of funny how some people seem to be raving about how great it is.


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