Monday, November 26, 2007

Today in: Ultimate Stressout!

I did that thing today that everyone wants to do but never gets around to because the mere thought makes most people's chests tighten with anxiety: I called my credit cards to negotiate my rates down.

As I mentioned before, I paid off one of my cards, so I'm in a good position to move things around, cancel cards if I have to, etc. You know, leverage.

Oh ho ho! The naivete! Leverage! Leverage doesn't exist when you're a meaningless 16 digit number easily replaced by 10 college kids looking for a way to go to Cancun over Christmas break. I called 2 of my 3 cards. Both conversations went exactly like this:

Me: "Hi, I'm a long-time customer. I'd like my rates lowered or I'll take my business elsewhere."
Customer Service Cockblocker Rep: "We review all our accounts periodically to see if you're eligible for any of our offers and...let's see...our system says you don't have any offers at the moment."
Me: "Well I have some better offers on the table, how about we talk about lowering it to [a lower rate]?"
CCR: "You don't have any offers."
Me: "Okay then, I guess I'm canceling my card..."
CCR: "Okay. Is there anything else I can help you with?"

WTF is that? They wouldn't even PRETEND to negotiate with me, and gave not one little tiny shit about whether I stayed on as a customer. Actually, both conversations didn't go exactly like that. The first one went on this babbling, condescending tirade about how "other offers" aren't always what they seem to be. She went on for so long, with me trying to get a word in edgewise, oh, perhaps about how she could at least try to assume I'm a somewhat educated person and not in need of credit counseling from The Man trying to "explain" how credit cards sucker you, but she kept going on for SO LONG without a breath I finally had to yell into the phone. She acted surprised and I told her I just wanted to SPEAK for a minute. So I did, and when I was finished, there was silence on the other end. And more silence, until I said, "Hello?" And she said, like the petulant bitch she was quickly turning out to be, "You said you wanted to talk, so I let you talk."

Believe me, if it were possible to wring someone's bitch-ass neck through a phone line, it would have happened right then. Let me talk. Whore!

So, eff that noise. I found a good deal on a credit card today and am looking forward to sending those other creditors the middle finger, xeroxed and included with my "transfer of all funds" notice.

Just to cap that fun off, I called Washington Gas to inquire why my house still wasn't hooked up even though I submitted their online "Begin Service" application two weeks ago. The lady over the phone informed me, "I'm sorry we have no record of that." "But I got an email confirmation." "I'm sorry. But I can sign you up now." I think it's safe to note here that this woman was very smart in being overly kind to me, because at that point I was going to start ripping beating hearts out of things.

If that's not enough, between the credit cards and the gas people I'd also called the water service, two window people who don't fix windows, and a junk removal service that's going to charge me $250 for my seller's, let's add that up.

It was actually a perfect night to come home and do all the ironing I avoided over the weekend. A little no-brainer activity. Tomorrow I meet with more contractors, wee!


At 4:27 PM, November 27, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've tried calling my credit card company before to negotiate a lower rate. I got the same response that you did. ugh. They really don't care if you cancel or not.


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