Saturday, September 22, 2007

I finally saw Wedding Crashers last night...

...and maybe it's not as funny now that we know Don't Jump came from Owen Wilson's personal collection? Hmm?


So I tried to give blood a couple weeks ago and got a big fat DENIED stamp on my qualifiers this time. I knew the India thing was going to keep me off the lists for awhile, but I thought it was only 6 months. Apparently it's a year, for fear of transferring malaria, so I can't give until January 20, 2008. Which sucks because if you remember, I have fancy dinosaur-free blood, so it's nice for immuno-deficiency people when I actually get my ass over to a donation site and give. The nurse was actually not that happy with the malaria reg either, saying he'd turned down 10 people just that day for travel reasons (they were sponsoring one at work, so a lot of rich lawyers were doing walk-ins).

However, now I get paid for maybe-having malaria! I got a letter in the mail yesterday (but this time addressed to plain ol' "Thanks for getting your blood maybe infected so we can't use it Miss G" instead of "Special Donor" [boy, remember when I used to take a stupid picture of every stupid thing to illustrate this blog?])...anyway, I got a letter from the Red Cross saying that they're starting to get huffy about having to turn away so many people for possibly carrying the malaria virus (is it a virus?...I think so), and they'd like to see if this has actually become a bad policy. So they want me to come in, donate 2 viles of my blood that they'll test for malaria, and pay me 45 buck-a-roos! Hey, that's not bad considering I usually give it away for free, yo. I've been givin' it away for free for years!

I think it would actually be interesting to find out how many people were infected with malaria while traveling but never had it manifest. I'm going to go out on a limb and say I'm not infected, because I wasn't very good about taking my prophylactics (if you don't know, the malaria pill is not a vaccine, so you can still get infected, the pill just keeps it (hopefully) from manifesting to certain degrees), and actually stopped taking it a few days before I came home due to the 3 days of hectic traveling and no sleeping between Delhi, Bangalore, London, and DC. And I was supposed to take it for another week and a half after I got home, which I didn't, so one would think if I'd been infected I would have given it a pretty good opportunity to attack.

I assume if they find out that 90% of us aren't actually carriers, they'll start allowing us to donate and just spend the money to test the blood, knowing most of it is going to pass. I'm not thrilled that a "trained telemarketer" is going to call me to set up the appointment though. They couldn't think of a better way to phrase that? "My people will call your people"?

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Sensible shoes are a commuters best friend

I was walking to work today and came upon a bicyclist getting ready for her commute. She had on an expensive looking helmet, reflector strips on her jacket, and was in the process of hitching her pant legs up with two bright orange reflector strips that wrapped around her calf...and I certainly won't begrudge anyone doing whatever they can to protect themselves from the asshole/drunk drivers in this town. But as I got closer I saw...no...she wouldn't, after padding herself for the elements? She hopped right on the bike...in her three-inch stiletto heels. Jesus. I wasn't joking about DC being a random amalgam of characters. Sometimes I wonder if this city is just some open-air insane asylum.

So, does anyone know any good butt exercises? Preferably one that doesn't involve laying down, because that seems to be the deal breaker between me and my Pilates tape. When I turned 28, all my friends told me, "get ready to get fat." (Thanks friends!) And I laughed them off with my pre-28 year old metabolism mindset. Lo', the beer and burgers I have consumed this summer have taken up not a sublet, like the contract stated, but a long-term lease on my ass. It didn't help that I spent six weeks in July and August eating catered buffet dinner every night (and when in the history of the universe has anyone ever exhibited portion control at a free buffet?) and taking taxis home every night at 11 p.m. So now I've got this unwanted, holdover tenant to evict from my ass. Any advice or assistance for the legal retainer would be much appreciated.

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