Friday, November 09, 2007

Post Script:

In case you were wondering after reading my last post, I am, in fact, the first person ever to buy a house.

Post Post Script:

Reason why the City Paper sucks giant hairy balls Number 248903 -- This morning I was forwarded an article titled something like "Contract Attorney Work Is Awful! Wah!" and I replied-all saying, "I'm having de ja vu. Didn't I get forwarded an article just like this by the CP a few months ago?" Turns out, not only did they publish a very similar whiny-ass article, but it was written by the exact same whiny-ass author; the only two articles he's written for them.

Let me ask you something. When did bitching about what a crap-hole career going to law school will get you become something you can get paid for? (Because hello? TTtC is a fucking GOLDMINE.) More importantly, when did it become something that anyone other than law grads care about? Listen, the fact that this asshole, much like many of us assholes who were stupid enough to get suckered into law school, can't get a decent job...does this interest anyone who isn't already experiencing it, enough to run some in-depth series on it? Is anyone else really concerned about the plight of law school grads? Are they going to start having telethons for us? Is Angelina Jolie going to adopt one of us?

Well, if the last one is true, I have a couple guy friends who say, Rock on City Paper, Rock on.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Seriously, what have I gotten myself into?

Here's a recap of my afternoon:

  • Returned from the clients' office.

  • Called my lender to see what was up in the world of My Loan. She said the magical words, "your loan has been underwritten," which is lender-speak for YOU'RE MOTHEREFFING APPROVED TO BUY A HOUSE, YO.

  • Got an email from my realtor telling me closing as been set: Next Wednesday at 9am I'll be a homeowner.

  • Went to my performance review meeting, my first one ever, in life. It included words like "glowing" and "bonus."

  • Got back to my office, almost immediately reopened a link a friend sent me last week to my dream job.

  • Surveyed friends on the potential salary of said dream job.

  • Gave up idea of dream job. Wondered why life is so unfair.

  • Walked home and hoped the bitter cold would bring back my perspective.

  • It did.* I'm totally almost a mothereffing homeowner. HOMEOWNER. Holy crap.

*Perspective is knowing this house will, in five years, effectively undo the last six, leaving me willing and able to afford my dream job. I shall call it, The Eraser.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

3 cars and 1 bike...

...are how many vehicles I saw blatently charging through very red lights on my way home today. The bike was at 16th and U, an intersection where I'm regularly nearly mowed down every other day by idiot drivers, and clearly ridden by a guy who will happily welcome death with open arms when it inevitabely comes his way.

Sometimes I love DC just because it has so many conferences, and people I know are always coming to them, including one particular "Activist, Vegan, Law Student, Cyclist and Parent-to-Be," Jake. We've known each other for nearly three years, when he decided to go to law school and did a little search for law blogs and found the Cosmos. But like most storybook internet friendships, we'd never met in person. So I was happy to find out he's just as interesting and funny as he is on the internets. We got a cup of joe at Busboys and Poets and discussed the usual: how not to freak out during the bar exam, knitting, what gear to buy as a budding cyclist, and how in the world anyone could give up cheese.

So, here's a little pointless story that Jake, as well as my space nerd friends might enjoy. The team I'm working with right now had to run a big training session today, so we ordered sandwiches from our in-house catering for lunch in a conference room during break. We had too much food, so we called some people up to grab the extra, and when this one paralegal arrived, someone said, "Oh, I think there's only meat sandwiches left." Assuming she was like most vegetarians I know, and actually a pescatarian, I asked if she wanted the tuna. She replied, "Oh yeah, I'm not a vegan!" Heh. Except she pronounced it like "vay-gan," like she was proclaiming the fact she wasn't part of an eons-old communication system meant to tell us none of us are alone in Pensacola.

Monday, November 05, 2007

This is precisely why I haven't really blogged about the house buying situation...

Because guess what? It's fine! Oh it's all fine. It was just another sheer moment of panic followed by a legitmate explanation. One of hundreds, and no one needed to read about my daily panic attacks. My lenders knew it was a mistake, and there was actually a reason for it, but I won't go into the zany details. Short story: we're good to go. I still had a few more forms to turn in today, if a "few" means around 50, literally, but I got 'em all signed and to the lender.

I actually had a very exciting moment today: I got to show off the house for the first time! Kristy was still in town for her conference, and she wanted to go see the place that's made be go through such craziness, so we met at the Columbia Heights metro, walked down to the house (for my first time at night) with a little flashlight, since there's only one working bulb in the place; I put in the little realtor's code, and voila! She was so excited about it, it just made me happy. In fact she was probably the perfect person to show, because we always joked she should start an "idea" store, since she's always had these great visions of some fantastic invention, some thing the People need (though perhaps not always the follow through), and it was awesome hearing her say what great bones the house had and how great it was going to look when it was all put together. And it will! I'm pumped. So far I'm still on track to close this week. I want to buy a bottle of champagne, but not yet, not yet my friends!

Afterwards, we tried out that new wine bar next to Solly's, Vinoteca. Pretty good, and it was definitely hopping like crazy for a Monday night, in fact, a band was setting up as we were leaving around 10pm. They definitely have some kinks to work out, as we waited a very long time for our wine, since they ran out of glasses, but it seems like a really cute place to go for a little classy night out. The menu had lots of cheeses you can order mix-and-match to make your own plate, along with some meats, delicious soups and other tasty items. Of course, we're super classy and had just come from Ben's, so we didn't actually eat anything. Liquid cheese from a tub is good enough for us.

Sunday, November 04, 2007


One of the reasons I haven't blogged much in the past month is because a lot of this house stuff is incredibly complicated and it's often a roller coaster of emotions within the span of a day on the same issue. I'm applying for an unusual loan and it's a new thing for my primary loan officer (who's since really just become my primary contact, while other people are taking care of the loan). We've often both been very confused and misunderstood key points, becoming desparate when it seemed we had to bend over backward, only to find out everything was actually fine.

On Friday I got a big FedEx packet from my lender, which is strange because they didn't tell me they were sending anything, and I also got it a few days late because they sent it to the wrong address. At first I was like, okay, here's where the heinious paperwork comes in; it's all these voluminous disclosure papers and what not, most of it pretty standard.

Then I read the cover letter a little more closely and read that I needed to provide some more documentation (you have no idea how much of my financial life I've documented in the last few months), and most of them are easy enough -- apparently they want to know why I deposit $1000 at the top of every month from a personal check (it's my roommate's rent), etc.

Then I read this, "Provide evidence that your Salle Mae student loan payments total $150 per month (total)." Seriously, that's what it said. I hope you all cringed as violently as I did when you read that. $150? I wish!! Inside the packet is a list of all my debts, presumably from my credit report, along with the payments per month and how many months it would take to pay them all off. And it says I owe Sallie $20K with payments of $151 a month. You people all know I went to law school right? And I didn't just go for a semester? Fuck, if my loan payments were $150 a month I'd build my own effing house from the ground up.

So I emailed my lender just now asking if, when they discover the real number (3x that), I'm going to be totally, inexorably, screwed.

A little awesomer -- because this has consumed my life and I talk and blog about it, everyone I know kind of associates me with house buying; it's the first thing everyone asks when I run into them (case in point: yesterday at the galleries I was asked at least 4 times, so my poor companion knows the story verbatim by now). So how totally awesome would it be if I went through this for 4 grueling months only to get the rug pulled out from me in the 11th hour. I'm gonna have to think about drafting some mass email to everyone along the embarassing lines of, "So, yeah, I got stood up at the alter."

I'm trying not to freak out just yet, because this isn't the only "omg I'm screwed" moment I've experienced thus far, but...this one seems like a particularly big one.

Post Script: I just tried logging into Sallie Mae to check the real total I owe, and I tried everything, the correct ID and password, then SS number, then my account number, and kept getting the same error, "Account does not exist." So...maybe I don't actually owe them anything?? Woot! Fucking Sallie Mae.

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